I knew that I was depressed before I received an actual diagnosis for it, but I never wanted to put a label on it. I never wanted to think of it or call it "depression," because I felt like that would make it real. I preferred to think of it as having "bad days;" never mind that I tended to have way more bad days than good days. It finally got to a point that I had no choice but to go to a doctor. I was having horrible IBS symptoms, but I didn't know what they were. I seriously, 100% believed that I was dying...which only added to my depression.
I felt overwhelmed when the doctor told me that I had IBS and serious depression. Even worse was the promise that if I didn't find a way to deal with my emotions, the IBS would only get worse. I didn't want to take the anti-depressants that she prescribed...the side-effects were so much more terrifying than what I faced every day. The meditation and yoga classes that I signed up for in the following week helped more than anything I had ever experienced, and I started to have more and more GOOD days. But the bad days still kept popping up. Especially on days without class. I found that I needed the community to pull myself out of the darkness.
On those lonely days, I found myself slipping back into the habits I had cultivated in the worst days of my depression. I couldn't find the energy or motivation to do the most basic tasks, especially the ones dealing with personal care. I was gross. I didn't shower for days at a time. I often didn't brush my teeth, and I absolutely NEVER brushed my hair. I saw the world as a list of obligations to fulfill, and getting dressed was an unnecessary chore on that list.
So I created a list of daily self-care tasks that I forced myself to do at least a few of every day. I found that if I checked off one or two items, I felt a sense of accomplishment instead of the usual sense of guilt over my perceived laziness. This feeling led me to complete a couple more things on the list. None of the things on my list are chores, but I find that if I've completed a few of the tasks, I actually feel motivated to do some of those household chores, as well! It's not magic, by any means. Sometimes it doesn't help. Sometimes all that happens is I've taken a shower and put on a real pair of pants. But that's okay. It's a process, and at least I look like a human that day.
ANNNNND I made the list into a cute printable, because...why not? So I want to share these with anyone who happens to run across this post; so that maybe it can help you too; whether you suffer from depression and lack motivation to take care of yourself or you just want to have a visual reminder to do something nice for yourself. Just click the picture to open the PDF file and print as many as you like.
I hope you enjoy this printable!
This file is also available for sale here if you prefer a version without my name across the bottom.
Namaste
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